We all know what it’s like to be hurt by the careless words and actions of others. Sometimes we felt betrayed by people we respected and looked up to. People whom we trusted, like close families and friends. So as a result, we keep points. We feel resented, bitter, angry. If left unresolved, sooner or later those feelings will erupt and consume everything in our lives, our relationships, friends and family.
Sadly, we all know people like this, personally or indirectly. Mixing with someone who harbored strong negative emotions due to their being ill-treated is not peaceful, it’s a lot of work and it leaves you tired and mentally drained. Have you ever had this experience?
Forgiving is very difficult. You may think, why should we let them off the hook? Why should I not tell the world about the despicable things they did to me? Why should I not get the justice I deserve?
My only answer at this moment, is : I do not know but all I know is this – God would want you and I, to forgive. Manako e Atua ke fakamagalo atu a lautolu, kua eke fakakelea mai a taua.
Before I continue, let me be clear. Justice and the pardoning of a crime is not up to us, that’s up to the Justice system or to God. If you are the victim of a crime, go right now and report everything to the authority. Forgiving is not the same as overlooking a crime or pardoning a crime that someone else has committed. You are committing sin if you think you have the authority to pardon anyone.
It is wrong to be hurt by others, so I’m very sorry if you are in that situation. But still, do not harden your hearts with unforgiveness, as God dislikes that. Unforgiveness will block you from God’s blessings, including your healing. I strongly believe this and it’s not hard to prove. I have heard from those who described a heavy load lifted from their bodies, after they forgave others. I know someone who told me that his life was pretty dark before he finally forgave the person who hurt him the most, his mother. I know someone who wished he’d done it sooner.
On the other hand I have known people, who happened to be very bitter, negative and angry against the whole world. I suspect it was from the many hurtful experiences they experienced in their lives. It was so bad that after they offloaded on you, and you have left their company, it would take hours just to recover. It is so bad that you became very weary about meeting them again. I can tell these people are in bondages, their hearts are so hardened they are blinded to the possibility of Jesus helping them.
Our theme for today: Forgive people completely or you will be in bondage. Fakamagalo katoatoa a lautolu kua ekefakakelea a koe; ha ko koe kua pipi ke he filifili. Vevete a lautolu; ti vevete foki a koe.
WHY IS FORGIVING NECESSARY?
Forgiving, is a crucial Christian virtue and one of the most difficult to DO or MASTER. Uka lahi mahaki ke fakamagalo fakamooli.
C. S. Lewis, a famous theologian, once said: “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”
For me personally, this Christian command is very important, more important than what we are taught. Every command from Jesus is important whether it affects our salvation or not. If we play roulette and decide to nit-pick certain practices or commands, then chances are we will risk missing the important ingredients that makes us pleasing to God and will affect the crowns we will receive in Heaven or our relationship with Him.
In as much as we can infer from the bible, forgiveness is not a requirement for salvation but its still very important. From what I can see, the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5 : 22 – 23, are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Now going by that list, unforgiveness is the opposite of gentleness, love and peace because unforgiveness gives rise to a hardened, unmovable, prideful heart.
In Luke 17:4, we were directed to forgive not once, not twice, but many times up to 7 x 70.
The point is not to stop after 490 times but to keep doing it forever…
Manatu nakai e liogi ia Mataio 12, ne tokutoku e fakamagalo? Iloa e Iesu (1) maeke e tau tagata ke ekefakakelea mai a tautolu mo e (2) to lata foki a tautolu ke fai fakamagalo. Jesus knows (1) people can hurt us and (2) we will be in need of forgiveness. Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors. Why is the act of forgiving, included in the Lord’s prayer? Well Jesus wouldn’t have mentioned it if it were not important would he?
Luke 6 : 27 – 29 :-
27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.
Luke 6:37 – “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven”
Mat 6:14-15 – In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said it very plainly:
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”
Paul also said this, in Ephesians 4:32:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
God has a simple but effective plan for those badly treated, you can probably guess what it is now.
Experiencing ill treatment is common in every culture. Everyone would experience it unless they lived under a rock and without any interaction with other humans.
What is important and will determine our quality of life is – how well we bounce back from being mistreated.
In the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21 to 35, we read of a master forgiving a huge debt for his servant. That servant didn’t do the same to another servant who owed him a very small debt. So punishing the first servant severely, the Master said in 18:33 – “And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?”. It is clear that as our Father forgives us, we are to extend the same forgiveness to others.
Mat 6:14-15 is also very clear when it said “If we do not forgive, our Father in heaven will not forgive our sins.”
HOW DO WE KNOW WE NEED TO FORGIVE?
If we hold a grudge. If we were mistreated. If we have bitterness or resentment towards another person. If we are prompted by God to forgive others including our enemies.
Ka fai matapona; ka eke fakakelea e koe taha tgt; ka kiva poke ita, haau a loto ke he taha tgt (tagata).
FORGIVING IS NOT THIS.
1) Approving of what they did. Forgiving doesn’t excuse abuse or crime. God hates sin, we do not approve of evil. We forgive what we do not approve. In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul ordered that an incestuous man kicked out of Church lest the Church becomes corrupted. Anyone who committed a crime like theft, murder or child-abuse is to be reported to authorities. We can forgive and still report a crime as that’s the right thing to do. Note again – we are not God or a Judge, to pardon any crimes.
2) It is not making excuses for other people’s bad behavior. We must never attempt to cover nor justify what they did.
3) Forgetting the wrong done. Sometimes we demonstrate great grace when we are fully aware of the wrongdoing, but still choose to forgive completely. Even if we choose to forget, that’s okay BUT DO NOT DWELL IN THE PAST.
4) It does not mean that we must restore the relationship to what it was before.
5) It does mean… that there must be a total reconciliation as if nothing ever happened. Reconciliation is between two people and sometimes people you want to reconcile with, are already dead. Forgiveness doesn’t always result in reconciliation and that is fine.
6) It does not mean… that you must tell the person that you have forgiven them. Very important the person you are forgiving, don’t feel obligated. Sometimes they don’t even know you feel that way so when you tell them ‘I have forgiven you”, they might say “What did I do?” And that might make things more difficult. As Christians, we need to be gracious.
7) Forgiving completely does not remove all negative consequences of the sin. The perpetrators must be reported to the authorities (Police). Consequences, including relationship breakups and doing jail time, will still happen.
8) Do not be blind to what happened. Blindness is a conscious choice to pretend.
9) Refusing to take the wrong seriously. Don’t brush the sin off as if it’s only a small matter. Even if it’s a huge deplorable sin, there is no sin too great for God to forgive. Besides, God already know what you went through.
10) Pretending we were not hurt. God didn’t pretend when he was hurt by King David’s adultery and murder. Jesus didn’t pretend in John 18:23, when he asked the high priest official – why did you strike me?
WHO DO YOU NEED TO FORGIVE IN YOUR LIFE?
Christians worldwide have shared many true stories about how God answered their prayers and healed their bodies when they forgive. Even non-Christians are now practicing forgiveness to prevent diseases and mental conditions. There are now tertiary courses on the benefits of forgiveness – can you believe that?
It took me many tries and many days to forgive completely but once done, I wish I have done it earlier. The key thing is this – Forgiveness is not complete until you have actually blessed your enemies. We’ll cover more later but the best way to forgive is to forgive fast, forgive early and don’t beat around the bush. When you identify a situation where you need to forgive someone, do it promptly and don’t wait.
We’re forgiving to PLEASE GOD and because it is the RIGHT thing to do. The most dangerous thing if you don’t forgive, is that you will live in BONDAGE. There is a real risk that you will never again be free or be happy because you will always be full of bitterness, hatred, anger and full of negative emotions.
Remember this warning in Ephesians 4:30 – 32, we will risk grieving the HS (fakahukia) and damaging our relationship with God, if we do not forgive.
Next week we’ll continue the same theme and will cover what forgiveness actually is.
Today, I will leave you with some simple steps on how to actually achieve forgiveness :-
(1) Forgive others completely.
(2) Forgive yourself completely.
(3) Forgive your God completely (not sure why but if you blame God for some of your problems…).